Forever, Joanna

There are four of us: one I lived with last year that I go to netball with, one I’m living with next year, and the one that doesn’t like me. I barely live in the house anymore really.

No I’m not the thinnest - I’d say second thinnest. The housemate that I’m living with next year (I can’t remember if I’ve used names on here before) is.

Also she’s one of the loveliest people I’ve ever met, so I suppose that something good has come out of this year.

∞ May 10, 2012

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∞ May 10, 2012 via lovelightandvision

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Charlotte:

I don’t know why your post about me made me get so annoyed, but it did. Because of you I don’t feel welcome in the house. I don’t like to leave my room in case I bump into you, which inevitably is what happens because YOU’RE ALWAYS IN THE FUCKING KITCHEN. I try to make conversation but you don’t want that. I try not talking but then you complain about that too. There are a lot of things about you that are admirable but right now I just want to shout at you. I hate you. I’m sorry. I’ve never been good at liking people who hate me but I try every time. This is me stopping trying.

And how dare you say that time that you hadn’t wanted to come home because my existence upset you in the whole housing situation?! ~~You’re selfish and you’re mean and you’re fat and you have horrible teeth.~~

You’ve made me so unhappy.

#people I need to forget

∞ May 08, 2012

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∞ May 08, 2012 via luciferspussy

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It’s got to the point where it’s almost impossible to remember shifts where I haven’t purged at work. Right now I need to get some more wrong-number-postcards but I daren’t leave my section in case I keep walking and end up downstairs. This is what happens when you get better with eating and stop restricting and all that jazz that goes with it.

My gums are swollen, I have cuts on my lips and fingers, my skin is awful, and two of my knuckles are permanently red. I need to eat eat eat but then I can’t live with myself afterwards.

I feel so guilty. I spend so much money on food nowadays. I hate it when my boyfriend and I go out to eat and then I go and throw it up straight after. But then again I think that maybe I shouldn’t feel too bad because nobody ever notices. And if nobody notices then it’s not a problem, right….?

#eating disorder #edos #work #purging

∞ May 05, 2012

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