I had a bad night last night.

I think it was to do with the having to explain things to someone, tell them the whole history of all the people that I no longer interact with (why don’t you get lifts to netball anymore? when did you decide that you guys weren’t getting married? why did you need to get an extension on your dissertation).

Then when I went to bed I couldn’t sleep so I tried putting on music but that made it worse.

The songs on my going-to-sleep playlist are all either sad or they remind me of things that I don’t want to think about. I put on the Joseph soundtrack and then ended up sobbing halfway through Joseph’s Coat (which is essentially just a long list of colours and over-use of the word ‘and’). Like, that’s ridiculous.

Today at netball I got man-of-the-match for trying-hard-even-though-I’m-not-as-good-as-the-rest. I know the coach meant well but wow that was hard to take. I so want to be blonde and skinny and athletic and pretty. I so want to be.

I feel unhappy and lonely. I want a hug. I hate not having someone close by. I hate not having the willpower to be able to do the things that I used to to rectify things. The scars are long gone now, as are most of the burns. They may as well never have happened. 

I don’t know.

A: please don’t be upset with me for posting. I did want to talk to you but I couldn’t, and now the moment has passed. You were asleep and you’re asleep now which is how it should be and I’m not going to interrupt. It’s not important, don’t worry.

(via imoonshine)




whenever i get an essay assignment i immediately go “how can i work a feminist and anti capitalist rant into this”

How about focus on the fucking essay and not make everything about your passions? You don’t see me making a rant about whales in every fucking essay I get.

i study sociology and politics, its always relevant you fucking weirdo. go fuck a whale or something.

Eh I did politics - rants aren’t academic. Just do the essay and write it normally :)


Model: Anastasia Bondarenko

(via glacialized-fashion)

Walked 13 miles today woohoo

(but now I have no heels on my feet two days before netball starts…)

I am fucking fed up that I can’t make the people that I love happy. Like it shouldn’t be too much to ask - all I want for them is to be content and have happy lives. And I can barely do towards that myself without other people trying to ruin it. Why are people such dicks? Please, just let the people be happy, please. </patheticness>


Kayslee Collins By Photographer Kesler Tran

Listening to Don Moen and Hillsong today. My iPod is working again and a couple of worship songs come on shuffle when I was on the way to work and then my head kept popping up Manic Drive and Skillet throughout the day.

I need to go back to Church. I’ve not been for a long time - I went to a wedding a month or so back, but before then? Before my interview I prayed, and I remembered how I haven’t prayed for so long.

And I think that that’s why I’ve been feeling so numb recently. I’ve been making important decisions and trying to sort my life out without involving God. I don’t know what I believe any more but going back to Church seems like it would be a good start.

  • me: *sees dog*
  • me: *forgets what im talking about and points out dog*